He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
