You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
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I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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