listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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