i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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