Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
