My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
