I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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