You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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