Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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