I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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