the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
