I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
