I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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