Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
