When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
