I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
