For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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