I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
