I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
