fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
