Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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