I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
