My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Drake has all the answers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
