HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
