You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
