dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
