Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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