she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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