i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
