Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
