Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
