So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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