I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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