I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
