I wish life had little blips of pornography
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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