but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Randomize