Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am never drinking with the goths again.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
