There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
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when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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