Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
