hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just puked most of my soul out..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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