First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize