so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
