I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
