Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
