I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
