So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize