bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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