I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
