this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
