U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize