ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
