my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Welp...herpes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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