so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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