Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
