I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
