I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
