dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
