when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
