I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
