Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
