she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
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Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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